This Simply Won’t Do!
The staff has gone full boat bonkers after learning that Motor Work’s website has been awarded a place in AutoInc. Magazine’s National Top Ten Websites competition for 2012. They are out of control and this simply won’t do!
The staff has gone full boat bonkers after learning that Motor Work’s website has been awarded a place in AutoInc. Magazine’s National Top Ten Websites competition for 2012. They are out of control and this simply won’t do!
In a paroxysm of ecstasy one of our crew started heading for the local high rise swearing he could fly. I had to quickly slash all his tires and duct tape him to the steering wheel until he came to his senses.
Another staff member was curled up in a corner drooling and mumbling incoherently. I could just barely make out the words “great, gosh, gee whiz, golly, goodness, and God bless”. The mumbling was fairly normal for this fellow, but I hadn’t seen him drool for years. Thoroughly alarmed, the remaining staff quickly fashioned an eleven foot pole and poked him with it. On the fourth try he said “ouch”. At that point we knew he would probably come out of it as soon as he got hungry.
The next situation was not so easy to remedy. I heard singing and dancing coming from the ladies restroom. While unusual in any context, this singing was in a deep male voice. The possibilities were many – all bad. Confounded as to what to do (it was a ladies restroom after all) I admit I chickened out and left him/her alone. If he/she was one of ours they would be out Friday to get paid. I would deal with it then.
From the last problem I expect further consequences. Our service writer had run out to the street with a copy of the article. She was holding it up in front of everybody she could find and yelling “READ THIS, READ THIS!” Most people just took pity on her, smiled and quickly walked away. However, when she ran up to the red haired lady with the tiny Toy Pomeranian, the lady started to scream for help.
After wrestling our service writer back into the office and chaining her to her desk the remaining few of us (still functioning) started a betting pool. The odds were an even 33.3% that the next people thru our door wanting to talk to our service writer would be either the police, the white uniformed sanitarium people with the straight jacket or the animal control officer. We all figured animal control would be the worst. In our county the animal control people are armed with M-16s due to the terrible mosquito problem in the summer, but that’s another story.
Finally I’ve got to figure out what to tell our website developers. IMP Designs provided the basic design (retro and brilliant), all the coding, the continuing SEO and SEM and many other aspects of the website. We consider them close friends and are indebted beyond words to express our gratitude. How do I warn them of the fury of the storm about to descend on their studio in Raleigh, NC? Wait, I have an idea. If I can just find that red haired lady with the tiny Toy Pomeranian maybe she….
It’s a few hours later now, and I sit here pondering the devastation of the business I have lovingly built up since 1984. A six year vacation to the Antarctic is starting to look good. How could such a great honor like being awarded a spot in AutoInc. Magazine’s National Top Ten Websites cause so much grief? I am going to give this vacation thing a little more thought, but I must admit, Penguins are just so adorable this time of year. Do you think they will eat from my hand?
Marty Fay,
possible former President
Motor Works
316 E Taylor St
DeKalb, IL 60115